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The Daly Gem

Why I Let Go of Seeking Validation

Account to Approve workflow on Friday, July 19, 2019 at 10:30:00 am

“My friend said I should do…”

“I spoke with my Mom and she thought…”

“My friend is really intuitive and her feeling was I should try…”

Why do you ask other people THEIR opinions of YOUR life? Could it be you are simply looking for information to validate what you already know at a gut level?

It’s as if we are actually immersed in “polling.” What I mean by this is you have XYZ situation and you call several people asking for their reaction, advice, or “what would they do.” I’m not saying anything is wrong with this! I think as humans we seek connection through shared experiences. What I will say from personal experience, however, is be very careful who you connect with on different aspects of your life.

Why? Because when you invite someone into the sacred parts of your life, you are opening up your energy and soul to another person. That’s major stuff! I have found in recent years it’s exhausting not only sharing the XYZ story but there are also the after-effects of numerous people wanting updates on the XYZ story. Can you relate?

Telling your “story” over and over to numerous people in the hope for validation creates energy around the topic… so it’s important to really trust those you share your “stuff” with.

A few things I’ve learned about searching outside yourself for the answers:

  • YOUR “STUFF” CAN BE ADDICTIVE TO DRAMA JUNKIES:
    Sharing the innermost details with certain people is like offering them a vacation from their own drama. It’s a soothing medication to relieve their anxiety and an opportunity for a reprieve from their life. Your “stuff” will make some people feel a whole lot better about their own.

Real-Life Example: When I was in the depths of despair in my own marriage years ago, rather than deal with what was in front of me (Dysfunction!) I focused my energy on his issues, his family drama, his friends' issues, and boy did that feel good… for a while. The problem with “denial band-aids” is they feel good in the short term but keep you stuck in the long run!

I now am very aware when I step out of my own business… as well as when others are hungry to hop into my lane. Recently, a friend became borderline upset with me because I wouldn’t update her on the details of a personal part of my own journey that has caused me a great deal of growth and yet also sadness. For me, there is a point when marinating in the storyline too long just gives unneeded energy to a situation.

  • PEOPLE LOOK THROUGH THEIR OWN UNIQUE LENSE:
    It can be difficult for others not to project their own “stuff” on to your situation. The truth is; however, no two situations or people are ever alike… so absorbing someone else’s truth as your own is a bit dangerous.

Real-Life Example: Years ago, I was part of an amazing work team. As oftentimes happens, our company was bought out and with that came CHANGE… big time. I became so swept up in the views of my colleagues that my own dissatisfaction became amplified. In fact, it was as if when we all quit, I was so enmeshed in the drama of the situation that I never really stopped and asked myself “hey! is leaving the company something that is good for ME right now?” Now I do believe I would have left either way, but looking back now I realize I became so caught up in the wave of everyone else’s drama that I really wasn’t feeling solid in my own truth.

At the end of the day, you’ve got yourself. So, know yourself and trust yourself. It’s scary at first but when you take the leap of faith and follow the intelligence of your gut, that is where peace resides.

  • YOU ARE YOUR OWN CRYSTAL BALL:
    If you know me, you know I love everything to do with intuition. I have many friends who are intuitives (a more mainstream title for “psychic”,) tarot card readers, mediums, etc. What I love about them is they give a neutral take on your situation, offer guidance and comfort, and yes validate many times what you already know. What I find is a slippery slope is that for some people (LIKE ME!) they can become a crutch. Now, my friends who use their intuitive gifts to help others and create more love and light in this world wouldn’t allow someone to become dependent on them by doing readings every week… but there are some who do and to me that just feels irresponsible. When you begin to live your life and make decisions personally and professionally based upon what someone else’s sees for you, that can be dangerous.

The thing is, YOU are your own best intuitive!

You were born with the gift of the sixth sense and when you quiet your mind, ask the right questions, and actually listen… everyone else’s “take” on your life or your situation fades away. What remains is a mature and wise “knowing” from within. In fact, I have an acronym I like to use. It’s called BETA.

  • B: Believe in your own intuition or the intelligence of your gut. Remember, it’s your second brain.
    • E: Expect it to work for you.
    • T: Trust it.
    • A: Take action!

Let me ask you a question…

Can you look back on your life and your body/gut/inner wi-fi /intuition was saying “NO!!!” to a decision you made… but you did it anyway?

Let’s just say we all can relate. In this specific case, your mind obviously overrode your inner knowing…and that is why the “A” of the above acronym is so difficult to execute.

I’ve come to believe it takes true courage and strength to sit with, be with, and witness what you already know to be true for yourself. Sometimes the choices that are healthy and good are the most painful ones to make. Wouldn’t you say; however, the most difficult choices are oftentimes the most transformational?

So what decisions are you looking at in your life right now?

When you think about option A or B, do you get anxiety? Do you run to avoidance mechanisms that enable you to avoid having to deal with the answers that are coming to you? Distractions such as food, shopping, gossiping, alcohol, “busyness?”…. “polling” other people for the course of action?

If so, it’s probably time to get honest and quiet. By doing so you gather the strength to step through what I call the “rim of fear.”

Imagine a circle around you. When you are in the middle, you are safe in your comfort zone. Nothing is wrong with that… but every so often you are ready to grow. When you grow, it’s inevitable that you will encounter one or more rims of fear around your circle. These are moments and choices where you are invited to step into courage and choose what you know to be right and true. Scary, right!? Yet you know in your heart, what lies on the other side are the feelings you want to feel right now in your life. Maybe it’s peace, serenity, confidence, happiness, freedom.

So, there you go my friends. If you are seeking the answers, the first step is to simply begin answering your own questions. Resist the urge to hand over the reins to anyone else. Not only does this diminish your self-worth, but you’re actually ripping yourself and the rest of us off by living someone else’s life.

You have a purpose and work to do in this world through the life you live. Make sure each day you are the one living it.

 

XO-
Meg

mojomeg.com

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