Why I Let Go of Seeking Validation
Account to Approve workflow on Friday, July 19, 2019 at 10:30:00 am Comments (0)
“My friend said I should do…”
“I spoke with my Mom and she thought…”
“My friend is really intuitive and her feeling was I should try…”
Why do you ask other people THEIR opinions of YOUR life? Could it be you are simply looking for information to validate what you already know at a gut level?
It’s as if we are actually immersed in “polling.” What I mean by this is you have XYZ situation and you call several people asking for their reaction, advice, or “what would they do.” I’m not saying anything is wrong with this! I think as humans we seek connection through shared experiences. What I will say from personal experience, however, is be very careful who you connect with on different aspects of your life.
Why? Because when you invite someone into the sacred parts of your life, you are opening up your energy and soul to another person. That’s major stuff! I have found in recent years it’s exhausting not only sharing the XYZ story but there are also the after-effects of numerous people wanting updates on the XYZ story. Can you relate?
Telling your “story” over and over to numerous people in the hope for validation creates energy around the topic… so it’s important to really trust those you share your “stuff” with.
A few things I’ve learned about searching outside yourself for the answers:
- YOUR “STUFF” CAN BE ADDICTIVE TO DRAMA JUNKIES:
Sharing the innermost details with certain people is like offering them a vacation from their own drama. It’s a soothing medication to relieve their anxiety and an opportunity for a reprieve from their life. Your “stuff” will make some people feel a whole lot better about their own.
Real-Life Example: When I was in the depths of despair in my own marriage years ago, rather than deal with what was in front of me (Dysfunction!) I focused my energy on his issues, his family drama, his friends' issues, and boy did that feel good… for a while. The problem with “denial band-aids” is they feel good in the short term but keep you stuck in the long run!
I now am very aware when I step out of my own business… as well as when others are hungry to hop into my lane. Recently, a friend became borderline upset with me because I wouldn’t update her on the details of a personal part of my own journey that has caused me a great deal of growth and yet also sadness. For me, there is a point when marinating in the storyline too long just gives unneeded energy to a situation.
- PEOPLE LOOK THROUGH THEIR OWN UNIQUE LENSE:
It can be difficult for others not to project their own “stuff” on to your situation. The truth is; however, no two situations or people are ever alike… so absorbing someone else’s truth as your own is a bit dangerous.
Real-Life Example: Years ago, I was part of an amazing work team. As oftentimes happens, our company was bought out and with that came CHANGE… big time. I became so swept up in the views of my colleagues that my own dissatisfaction became amplified. In fact, it was as if when we all quit, I was so enmeshed in the drama of the situation that I never really stopped and asked myself “hey! is leaving the company something that is good for ME right now?” Now I do believe I would have left either way, but looking back now I realize I became so caught up in the wave of everyone else’s drama that I really wasn’t feeling solid in my own truth.
At the end of the day, you’ve got yourself. So, know yourself and trust yourself. It’s scary at first but when you take the leap of faith and follow the intelligence of your gut, that is where peace resides.
- YOU ARE YOUR OWN CRYSTAL BALL:
If you know me, you know I love everything to do with intuition. I have many friends who are intuitives (a more mainstream title for “psychic”,) tarot card readers, mediums, etc. What I love about them is they give a neutral take on your situation, offer guidance and comfort, and yes validate many times what you already know. What I find is a slippery slope is that for some people (LIKE ME!) they can become a crutch. Now, my friends who use their intuitive gifts to help others and create more love and light in this world wouldn’t allow someone to become dependent on them by doing readings every week… but there are some who do and to me that just feels irresponsible. When you begin to live your life and make decisions personally and professionally based upon what someone else’s sees for you, that can be dangerous.
The thing is, YOU are your own best intuitive!
You were born with the gift of the sixth sense and when you quiet your mind, ask the right questions, and actually listen… everyone else’s “take” on your life or your situation fades away. What remains is a mature and wise “knowing” from within. In fact, I have an acronym I like to use. It’s called BETA.
- B: Believe in your own intuition or the intelligence of your gut. Remember, it’s your second brain.
• E: Expect it to work for you.
• T: Trust it.
• A: Take action!
Let me ask you a question…
Can you look back on your life and your body/gut/inner wi-fi /intuition was saying “NO!!!” to a decision you made… but you did it anyway?
Let’s just say we all can relate. In this specific case, your mind obviously overrode your inner knowing…and that is why the “A” of the above acronym is so difficult to execute.
I’ve come to believe it takes true courage and strength to sit with, be with, and witness what you already know to be true for yourself. Sometimes the choices that are healthy and good are the most painful ones to make. Wouldn’t you say; however, the most difficult choices are oftentimes the most transformational?
So what decisions are you looking at in your life right now?
When you think about option A or B, do you get anxiety? Do you run to avoidance mechanisms that enable you to avoid having to deal with the answers that are coming to you? Distractions such as food, shopping, gossiping, alcohol, “busyness?”…. “polling” other people for the course of action?
If so, it’s probably time to get honest and quiet. By doing so you gather the strength to step through what I call the “rim of fear.”
Imagine a circle around you. When you are in the middle, you are safe in your comfort zone. Nothing is wrong with that… but every so often you are ready to grow. When you grow, it’s inevitable that you will encounter one or more rims of fear around your circle. These are moments and choices where you are invited to step into courage and choose what you know to be right and true. Scary, right!? Yet you know in your heart, what lies on the other side are the feelings you want to feel right now in your life. Maybe it’s peace, serenity, confidence, happiness, freedom.
So, there you go my friends. If you are seeking the answers, the first step is to simply begin answering your own questions. Resist the urge to hand over the reins to anyone else. Not only does this diminish your self-worth, but you’re actually ripping yourself and the rest of us off by living someone else’s life.
You have a purpose and work to do in this world through the life you live. Make sure each day you are the one living it.
Are You Respecting Yourself?
Account to Approve workflow on Thursday, July 11, 2019 at 12:00:00 am Comments (0)
A few weeks ago I was walking down one of my neighborhood streets and stopped to notice two signs in front of an apartment building. One on a pretty little chalkboard said:
“To the dog owners who continue to be disrespectful towards this property by not cleaning up after their dogs. Why can’t you stop this disgusting behavior? It’s all about keeping the area looking nice. So how about picking up the dumps like most owners do?”
For added flavor, there was another message on an electrical box panel, which read, “Pick up the dog dumps. It’s the LAW!”
If you don’t believe me… check out the pictures included in this week’s blog.
Every time I saw those signs I’d think, “gosh, who would let their dog just go to the bathroom and not pick it up????”
So flash forward to today. A not so funny thing happened on my walk this morning with Birdie. It’s not pretty so I’ll just say it… she decided to do her “business” right in front of the first sign. Now on a 45-minute walk, what are the odds of that happening??
So, as luck would have it, Miss Judgmental here, acting all high and mighty about other people not picking up after their dog’s biz, experienced a moment of pure terror. Just ask my friend Lauren. I was leaving her one of those audio text messages and went into all-out panic mode when I realized I DIDN’T HAVE ANY POO BAGS LEFT.
All I could imagine was this person who created the signs peering out of the window at that very moment ready to pounce on me… or call the police to report my crime. It was seriously a Boo Radley moment from Too Kill A Mockingbird. (all-time best book ever by the way!)
My mind began to race, my anxiety began to heighten, and I felt trapped! … so I did what any normal person would do… I acted like I was oblivious to Birdie and preoccupied with my phone.
The feeling was equivalent to years ago at St. Vincent DePaul grade school having to stand with my nose to the blackboard for talking too much. I just felt I was in BIG TROUBLE!
As I ran away (extremely fast) feeling very guilty, promising myself that I would go home and get a baggie and come back to pick it up, two angels appeared from the neighboring apartment complex. They were the Merry Maids! Sweet Jesus thank you! (Who says your angels don’t have your back?!)
I ran up to them out of breath and jerking my head every few seconds to look behind me…”ladies, do you think you could help me? I’m in a bit of a conundrum.”
Going on to explain my predicament really didn’t thrill them. They wordlessly just stared at me, handed me a garbage bag, and got in their car to leave.
I am pretty sure I was waving the garbage bag up in the air as I ran back so anyone in that building could see I had no intention of committing a criminal offense and the cops could be called off.
As I picked up the poo and made a getaway from Boo, I realized something about the people in that building…First, however, I must clear my conscious so let me confess something…This has happened before. Just one or two times, I swear! But, did I remember to go back? No. Did I run away leaving it, hoping that no one would see me? Yes!
This time it was different, yes, because of the sign, but even more, because I knew the people in this building really cared about their yard. It was important to them. They had self-respect! So for me to run away would have been blatantly rude and disrespectful.
So, as my heartbeat slowed down and as I walked away, it got me thinking…
If you’re not feeling respected by others, take a look at the level at which you’re respecting yourself.
Now, this actual building isn’t any nicer than any of the other buildings on that street, but you can just tell the people who live there care about the upkeep. They respect themselves and take care of their environment. The landscaping is pretty, the shrubbery and flowers are well maintained, and let’s face it; they stand up for themselves when their neighbors disrespect them!
So I share this story with you because I do believe when we become our own best cheerleader, life tends to flow a bit easier. In fact, you could say it is the finest form of self-care!
Where might you be blowing yourself off in small and big ways? Do any of these sound familiar?
- Not asking for a raise at your annual review.
- Saying “ok” to the restaurant your friend wants to go even though you are a vegetarian and her choice is a steak house.
- Jumping to everyone else’s emergencies (aka answering emails) before you even brush your teeth and get ready for the day.
- Eating the second slice of cake when you know one was enough.
- Agreeing… when you don’t really agree.
- And my all-time favorite… saying “sorry” when it’s completely unnecessary. I have made a big effort to watch this! It’s almost like second nature or a default response for some of us. In fact, I was at the grocery store the other day and this guy comes barreling down the aisle towards me with his cart and I quickly moved out of the way saying “sorry.” Two seconds later I realized the ridiculousness of what I just said and had to hold myself back from running after him saying “actually no…I am NOT sorry!”
So, I guess the point of this not so elegant blog this week is this:
Instead of ruminating in your head, ruminating with others, stepping into the victim role, or just feeling fed up with other people… turn around and realize YOU have the power to deal with any poo that crosses your path in life… and it all starts with loving, caring for, and respecting yourself! When you do… so will everyone else!
Have a wonderful day and I’ll see you soon,
Are You Isolating Yourself?
Account to Approve workflow on Wednesday, July 3, 2019 at 2:00:00 pm Comments (0)
A recent conversation with a friend I hadn’t spoken with in a while reminded me of the tendency to isolate ourselves. Looking back on my own periods of isolation, I see clearly now how I explained it away as “well, people think I’m an extrovert but really I am more of an introvert.” The reality is, while yes I tend to lean more towards introversion, there have been times where I’ve escaped life by creating distance from the world, people, and in effect, my purpose.
Have you ever experienced a time in your life where things felt as though they were falling apart in every direction…and you just didn’t have the get-up and go to get going? Looking back on that time, I have a question for you…
When everything hit the fan, did you choose the route of isolation… or love?
When your life became imbalanced in one, several, or all areas, did you look at it as an invitation to step into loving yourself and those around you more…or did you choose to stay in your cave?
There was a time in my life when three big ones (professional, relationship, and well-being) were out of whack and instead of choosing the route of love, I chose what at the time seemed the easy route. The one equivalent to putting your head under the covers and hoping you’d wake up in a few months when everything was back to “normal.” What I did was begin to slowly isolate myself from friends, fun, inspiring work, and in essence…living!
It took me about a year before I looked around and realized the after effects of my period of isolation. Those friends I stepped away from because they had “hurt my feelings” or “we weren’t on the same energy wavelength” were friends I missed. The things I loved to do in my free time were nonexistent. It was like “POOF!” … they had evaporated from my life and took with them a big chunk of happiness.
Through clearer eyes and a different lens, I realized my isolation was simply an excuse to step away from the act of living. It was easier to put the blame on others assuring myself they “weren’t there for me in the way I needed them to be” or that they “didn’t react in the way that I would” than it was to look within myself.
I was struck with this newfound “a-ha!” that my underlying energy of isolation was subconsciously pushing them away as well as pulling me away from a multitude of things that created joy for me.
Now, I am not saying you shouldn’t listen to your feelings and lovingly let go of certain individuals for different reasons, and I am certainly not saying stepping out of the chaos of life at times isn’t healthy.
I am simply offering up the idea that if you find yourself in a situation where life just doesn’t feel fair and you want to jump to judgment of others, why not instead pose a question to yourself (again without judging yourself!)…
Who is the common denominator in my life right now?
This is not a trick question…yes, the answer is YOU!
If you’re constantly being triggered by people and sensitive to how they are treating you, there are two choices. You can either walk away and send them love… or you can be authentically vulnerable through the lens of love by being open and honest about the struggles you are dealing with.
Sometimes you think you have to go it alone and when you do, isolation wins.
How about trying something different? Why not choose to be courageous and operate through the space of love? Love for yourself, for other people, and with an understanding that they, too, have their own “stuff!” Quite frankly, I’ve come to realize everyone’s just doing the best that they can in this life.
So how about this… what about choosing only one “personal development project?” This project being the art of choosing love with every breath you take throughout the day. I have to tell you this is not always easy. I’ve been practicing it and will say it just feels so GOOD when I put it to use… and when I don’t? That doesn’t feel so good.
I had lunch with a friend recently. The past two times we saw each other were, to put it lightly, big time downers. One time I cried in my eggs and the other time she cried in her cosmo. She could have said, “I’m going to back off with Meg! I left breakfast completely drained by her”… and I could have said “Heck to the no am I going to get together for dinner with her again. I was so depressed by the end of the night!”
But the thing is, we both chose to act through love instead. When we got together recently for lunch she said “OMG. I didn’t think you’d ever want to see me again. I made it all about me that night and was embarrassed to reach out to you again.” (Fortunately, I reached out to her… see, I am getting better with this isolation thing!)
Here’s the deal… choosing the route of love is when the heaviness in your chest falls away. It’s where the sadness in your heart lifts. When we choose to live our lives from a place of loving energy, as well as authenticity, things become more in balance. Friendships that are real remain. Friendships that were meant to be there for a reason or a season move on in a gentle way. No judgment, no blame.
So here is my challenge for you this week. Pay attention to areas of your life where you are sitting in denial, isolation, or blame. Commit to just one action step. Maybe it’s reaching out to that friend you miss, or looking at things from the other person’s perspective, or courageously telling the truth about a situation to yourself or someone else. Whatever it may be, choose to do SOMETHING that will move you away from isolation and back to the land of the living.
Life is beautiful if you open yourself up to the possibility of miracles… and I do believe there are tiny miracles every day if you simply step outside your cave to look.
See you soon,
Why I Believe the “Fluff Stuff” Can Change Your Life
Account to Approve workflow on Thursday, June 27, 2019 at 2:00:00 pm Comments (0)
Years ago, when I had hired my own coach and had decided to get into the arena of working with other people in the realm of personal development, I was often asked, “What’s your market? What’s your niche? Who’s your ideal customer? What’s the focal point of your coaching?”… and I really struggled with the answers. I remember sharing with a mentor of mine, “I can’t articulate what exactly I am offering. It’s not health coaching. It’s not fitness coaching. It’s not executive coaching… It’s more the “fluff stuff.”
I went on to explain my definition of “fluff stuff” to her through stories of different people from all different industries and backgrounds that had reached out to me for support and my services. They all had their “labeling” or reasons for reaching out to me. It usually was around elevating their career or changing jobs… but a funny thing always seemed to happen. Time and time again we went beyond the surface aspects of their current situation and desires and into instead, their energy and who they were at a deeper soul level. Conversations about managing their own personal vibe as well as how their physical environment felt. Unearthing outdated stories they had been telling themselves about themselves for years that were literally keeping them stuck. Figuring out that hopping over into someone else’s business was draining their energy, time, and resources. Discovering the ways in which they were expert chameleons that had curated a life that was not at all what they desired but instead what they THOUGHT other people desired. Why practicing self-care felt… really selfish.
I have come to realize that all of this, and so much more, is really the way we find ourselves and the life we desire. It’s getting out of our heads and into our hearts. It’s doing “the work” and using the tools when we really don’t feel like it.
I also realized I’m really not a coach for your life. You are in charge of your life… and you don’t need to practice “self-help.” You aren’t a piece of furniture that’s broken. You are a powerful being who instead really digs self-development so that’s a great thing!
So here’s the deal:
We all just want to feel something in our lives. To feel happier. To experience more serenity…. more confidence… more connection… more joy.
So in a nutshell, what I really do… is help people feel GOOD… so they have the energy and inspiration to take action with their own lives.
So how do you begin to “feel good?” Perhaps through things like being more in the moment, finding the lesson in the pain, following through with the promises to yourself instead of blowing yourself off, practicing self-care, and a biggie: creating more connection with yourself and subsequently others.
You’d think with technology and the ability to connect with anyone in the world in seconds, we would experience feelings of security and cohesiveness, but apparently not. There exists this deep yearning for connection and community wherever you look. I was recently listening to an interview with David Brooks who wrote a book called The Quest for a Moral Life. In it he shares that in the 1950s it was all about this idea of “we’re in this together.” There was a great sense of community. The baby boomer generation was booming, back yard barbecues were the norm, and people felt like they BELONGED.
As with anything, things began to swing to the other side. In this case, more to the individualistic side. The vibe of “I’m my own person” in the 60s was not a bad thing… but it’s now 60 years later and we’ve become extremists who are yearning at a soul level for more organic, old-fashioned connection.
Have we become so entrenched in “ME”… that we have lost the benefits of “WE?”
A participant in one of my recent monthly workshops in Milwaukee touched upon this idea of disconnection. How we exist oftentimes working alone, eating alone, existing alone… But always with our best friend whose name is “social media.” Many times our phones even possess their own place settings at dinner!
So, how do we capture the essence of the “we are all in this together” feeling? How do we find those moments of feeling part of something bigger than just ourselves? That secure and cozy place that feels like home?
It begins with tapping into our own inner spirit…our soul. At the end of the day, that’s the one commonality we all possess. You may be a Republican or a Democrat, male, female, wealthy or just getting by. All of these superficial labels we put upon ourselves simply are cloaks we wear each day. Underneath it all, however, we are all the same.
So, when you think about it, if you are seeking connection, if you’re seeking community. If you’re seeking more of a sense of belonging in this day and age, it’s imperative that you tap into yourself first at a soul level. It’s key that you get in touch with the mysticism of life. That you get in touch with your spirit. Yes, I’m talking about the woo woo! And you know what, the woo woo works. The woo woo, I like to say, is more “wow wow!” Why? Because when you get in touch with yourself at this level, it’s so much easier to then connect at a deeper level with someone else. Creating connection first with yourself is like turning on a light switch that allows you to see everyone else at the party.
Some might say what I write about is the “fluff stuff”… and what I say to that is “GREAT!” Because I know the true benefit I offer people are tools to FEEL better so they can start getting on with their purpose in this life. Our time here is short and it’s our divine responsibility to care for ourselves enough that we have the energy to express our purpose and gifts every day.
Speaking of tools, I’d like to share a few of the favorites I use on a regular basis to create more connection with not only my spirit but with others as well:
- Pay attention to your energy: When you wake up, rate your energy level from 1-10 and also think about WHY you are at that level. Creating awareness around your energy is so powerful. When we elevate our energy it creates an awesome day not only for ourselves but those we meet.
- Check in with the intelligence of your gut: When faced with a decision, it’s easy to go with what your head says. Logically, the decision is option A or option B. But could there be more information that’s available to you if you sink into a more deeper and spiritual space within yourself? The next time you are grappling with lack of clarity, ask your mind what answer it has for you… but then gently put your hand over your heart, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and ask your heart what it has to say.
- Ask for support: Do you struggle with being vulnerable? Is it difficult for you to ask for support without feeling in debt to the other person? Asking for help is an act of courage and one that can lead to authentic work and personal relationships. Doesn’t it feel good to offer assistance to someone? Why not give others the same opportunity? Today, start small and ask for a small favor and build from there.
Oh! And never underestimate the power that lingers beyond the veil. I speak to my guides, my angels, and my loved ones on a daily basis. Maybe you have lost a parent, sibling, or a friend. Or heart breakingly, you’ve lost a child. You, my friend, I’m sure are nodding your head at the power that exists when you communicate and connect with these loved ones. They are simply waiting to be asked. I can tell you without a doubt, that on the days that I have asked for assistance and for help, they have not let me down. It’s fine if you disagree… but what do you have to lose? Just experiment with it over the next week or so. Finding a parking spot, dealing with an issue at work, or struggling for clarity try this:
Angels above me, angels below me, angels all around me this is what I ask of you today__________________________.
So, there you go. It’s a little woo woo today. But if you know me, you know I love it and I believe it works. So, I encourage you to get in touch with the “fluff stuff” in your life. Chances are it’s the doorway to connect more to not only your gifts and your purpose but to others as well. If you’re lonely, if you’re sad, if you are simply having a bad day and you don’t know why, tap into yourself at that soul level through the tools above, mediation, or a conversation with an old friend you haven’t spoken with in a while. Then, notice how your energy begins to lift.
See you soon,
Why I Never Complain About The Weather
Account to Approve workflow on Thursday, June 20, 2019 at 11:00:00 am Comments (0)
Sunshine is delicious, rain is refreshing, wind braces us up, snow is exhilarating; there is really no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather.” ~ John Ruskin
I love walking in the rain. There is something magical about the entire experience. Maybe because it’s out of the norm to go for a stroll during a storm when the logical thing to do is retreat inside? Perhaps it’s the part of me that loves all things mystical. Who knows? All I know is I never really care to complain about the weather.
As human beings, the one thing we have in common is talking about the weather. I guess it’s conversation filler or perhaps at a deeper level, cosmically and energetically, it’s something that connects all of us. Do I dare say it even provides a sense of community?
I used to live in the woods near Lake Michigan and found the most beautiful days were when the fog would roll in through the water, over the trees, and right into my home. One day I was on the phone with a neighbor who was complaining about, you guessed it, the weather! As I watched two deer fly through my backyard through the mist, I remember saying to her “but oh my gosh just look out your window… it’s like we are living in one of Jane Austen’s novels!” … There was an extended silence followed by, “oh Meg you’re so… funny,” I don’t think she agreed with my outlook.
Now I realize many of you reading this are from my “neck of the woods” and this past winter was indeed long. I also believe the weather absolutely has an effect on some of our moods. I am simply offering tools that might help ease the suffering if you are like many of my friends who are ready to say “bye bye” to future winters.
Have you heard of Byron Katie? If not, check her out. She wrote a great book called Loving What Is. In it, she states there really are only three “businesses” in life:
- There’s your business.
- There’s everybody else’s business…
- And there’s God’s business.
Worrying about what other people think means you are up in THEIR business and those rainy, “yucky” days? Those are God’s business.
The only business you need to stay in…is your business.
Oh my gosh, this tool has helped me out so often. The time and energy that’s been saved when I stop worrying about this person and that person and what I might have said or done to upset them or what they may have said about me. Whenever I was “suffering” (in other words ruminating, worrying, stressing, etc. etc.) I tried using this one question and it actually worked! The question I asked was “whose business am I in right now?” Let me tell you, 99.9% of the time if I was “suffering,” I was without a doubt up in someone else’s business!
Staying in your own business means YOU get to decide how you are going to show up today. You get to create the reality you desire regardless of what others might say or do or what is going on in their “biz!”
Staying present within yourself is simply a choice… and within that choice lingers the possibility for serenity and freedom.
Last month I was dropping off some cushions for my Mom at the upholster and I love this woman. When you walk in her home, it’s just so inviting and warm. You literally want to sit down and have a little cup of tea with her. As we were walking out, she said to me, “isn’t this weather awful?”
Fortunately, a few weeks earlier I had built upon my initial choice of not complaining about the weather with another choice of not agreeing with others who did! I just don’t have it in me anymore to nod and agree about something that’s out of our control, and frankly is a beautiful part of our world. So, I looked at her and offered this:
“Why don’t you just pretend you’re in Ireland today? Or, if you head downtown, just imagine you’re driving down to London? If you were in either area, you’d probably be experiencing this type of weather…foggy, misty, and rainy. Put a fire in your fireplace, pour a cup of tea, put on one of your favorite wool sweaters and embrace it.”
“Huh. Well, that’s an interesting way to look at things… and you know, I’ve never been to Ireland. Okay, I’ll give it a try!”
Isn’t it more enjoyable to embrace rather than curse “what is” with creativity and fun?
As I left to head back downtown (oops! I mean London), I realized there is power in the lens in which we look at things. I could have walked out of her home agreeing, “yeah, this sucks. It’s awful. I can’t stand this weather.” Okay, how would that make me feel? Even as write and say these words, my energy drops.
Instead, make life an adventure today. This morning, I got up and looked out the window. Again, it’s foggy and rainy. I grabbed Birdie’s leash and as we walked outside I could feel the cold hit. So what did I do? I looked for ways I could embrace rather than hate the reality of the weather. As I stood on the corner waiting for the light to turn green I was breathing in that English seaside air and a neighbor of mine approached saying… “Isn’t this weather terrible?”
Oh boy, here we go again.
So I offered up my little trick and her response was “Hey, that’s not a bad idea. I kind of like that.” As she turned to wave she had a spring in her step and a smile on her face.
Where might you be looking through the lens of “lack” in your life besides the weather? What areas of your life are you embracing or complaining?
- Your job?
I fall into the “lack trap” as well. In fact, just a couple weeks ago, I found myself looking at another person’s life through the lens of “WOW. She’s got it ALL.” And I mean everything. Every box is checked. OMG. I love her. No, wait… I hate her. Just kidding.
It was like an out of body experience. I had totally stepped out of myself and instead of feeling grounded in gratitude for what I do have I was floundering about making up all these stories about myself through the space of lack. And you know what? That is not a fun place to exist. It’s unsteady and full of fear. In fact, to “go there” feels almost reckless.
When we step out of our body, out of our energy, and out of our minds (and into someone else’s) we run the risk of falling off our own path and purpose. When this happens, that’s what we call feeling stuck.
Getting up into other people’s business is saying to yourself and the universe “my life isn’t valuable enough.”
What’s the way out? Through awareness and discipline.
When I use the term discipline I use it to describe expressions of self-love. It’s respecting yourself enough to pull yourself back from the cliff of comparison and to reel yourself back to you… and this is where contentment lies. This is where inner peace exists. This is where love for ourselves and the ability to love others grows…and isn’t that what we’re all looking for?
Think about the last time you were stressed, worried or anxiety ridden. Were you in your own business or were you in God’s business or someone else’s?
So, I challenge you today to pay attention to how you view yourself and your life. Is it through your own lens or someone else’s? Are you viewing it from a place of “not good enough’ or comparison to others? If so, I invite you to investigate that. Look at it with curiosity. Use it as an opportunity to step back into who you are. Because let’s face it…today as you read or listen to this, remember that the next 24 hours have never happened before nor will they ever occur again in the history of this universe. To me, that’s motivation enough to view it as a gift. Or in other words…why squander your precious time running around like a frantic person up in everyone else’s business?
Don’t worry about the weather. Don’t worry about so and so and who got the job and who has the “perfect” life (even if Instagram says otherwise.)
Step back into you. This is where all the possibilities for your life are marinating. Resist the urge to divert your attention from this pool of possibilities that lie within your heart, your soul and your mind. Step into you today and when all else fails, remember what a wise participant at one of my Self Love Summits stated with vigor, “You must own your own soul!”
So, my friend, in a nutshell, this is why I never complain about the weather.
I’ll see you next week,
Why You Should Stop Trying To Find Your Purpose
Account to Approve workflow on Thursday, June 13, 2019 at 2:00:00 pm Comments (0)
On one of my recent morning walks, I passed by an old building that has been vacant for quite some time. I was surprised to see that the ”for lease” sign was down and what was in its place was a beautiful new sign with a company name and a tag line of… “Find Your Purpose.”
When I read this, a question immediately popped to my mind… “Why are we all looking for our purpose with so much energy and hunger?”
Could it be that constantly looking for your purpose is what is keeping you stuck?
Now, please understand I don’t see anything wrong with a company, an individual, or anyone offering assistance to someone who is trying to find their purpose. When people come to me, to my workshops, or to work with me one on one, oftentimes there is this “seeking” element within their goals.
Years ago, I started my own personal development journey. I was 16 and sitting on my pink shag carpeting in my bedroom. I now realize the focal point of my first vision board was the redhead crawling atop the car in White Snake’s video “Here I Go Again…” … and unfortunately, looking like her was a goal I never achieved! Anyway, over the years I read all the books, took the quizzes, attended the workshops, and completed assessments all around this idea of “finding my purpose.”
The funny thing is, the doorway into “my purpose” was literally under my nose. Every day. Every moment. Every Minute.
This doorway is…TO BE HERE RIGHT NOW.
Life is happening right now. You are reading (or listening) to this and guess what, right now this is your purpose. When I was walking my dog… that was my purpose.
If you’re someone who is desperately searching for their purpose in the world, maybe an experiment is in order.
Take the next week and decide to stop searching and instead, completely immerse yourself into the present moment.
This morning, as you got up to take a shower and get dressed for the day, that was your purpose for that moment. Your purpose is to put yourself together in a way that feels good to you. When you sit down for breakfast, as you’re deciding what to eat and as you enjoy your food, that’s your purpose. As you go about your day, whether you’re on the train or in the car on your way to work, or perhaps at your computer, being present is your purpose. As you’re in meetings with your boss or your team or your clients, that is your purpose.
So, my point is that what if “finding your purpose” is all pointless? What if the joke is on us? What if, all along, since the day we were born, your purpose has been to solely be present in the moment with whatever you are doing or whoever you’re with.
When you’re constantly attached to the future of “when I do this…” or “as soon as I do…” you lose the actual essence of living. The ironic part about all of this is when we are hyper future focused, once we get “there” we actually miss “there” because once again we are looking a mile down the road.
Now, you may be rolling your eyes, thinking, “well if I’m doing that, then how am I going to plan for my goals? How am I going to make any changes if I’m completely immersed in the moment?”
I have two answers
*Set aside time during the day for goal setting and during that time be completely present with your planning.
When you envision the person you desire to be or the life you want to have, have fun with simply embodying in the moment that person. In fact, with a snap of a finger, you can BECOME that person and be in the moment as that person the entire day based off of the choices you make. Be present with that part of you wanting to emerge, be present with her/him and live your life RIGHT NOW as if you are already there. With what you say yes to and what you say no to… with how you speak and how you dress… with what you eat and what you drink… how you spend your free time… and how you speak to yourself. Be that person because anything you desire or want for your life is already residing within you. If you want to write a book know that the inspiration is already sitting inside of you. Be present with it. Your purpose is to begin living your life and acting like the person who is writing that book.
If you want to get into a completely different job, embody for a few seconds who that person is in that job. Be totally present with that person and then be that person today. That’s your purpose. So, instead of making your purpose in life today complaining about why you don’t have the perfect job, instead make your purpose be one of you stepping into the energy and the person that will get that job.
Doesn’t this feel a bit freeing to let go of the struggle and desperate quest of finding your purpose and instead choosing to LIVE ON PURPOSE WITH PASSION RIGHT NOW?
Repeat after me:
“My purpose right now is to be present with whoever I’m with or whatever I’m doing today.”
You know what happens when you’re present like that? You start to see opportunities and possibilities. Synchronicities begin to occur because you are fully immersed, intentional and present with yourself and your life. You’re not jumping ahead. You’re not looking in the rear-view mirror. You’re right here, right now… And that’s where miracles, big and small, begin to happen every day.
But when we’re constantly in the black hole of, “oh my, oh my, woe is me, what’s my purpose? Who am I? Why am I here? I have to make a difference” we become stuck in self-doubt, indecisiveness, and lack of clarity and as a result, we miss out on the signs and the information that come to us.
I attended a service for my father’s partner in his farming business years ago when he transitioned to the other side. There were several parts of the Eulogy his son gave that struck me as poignant. Yet, one part in particular has stayed with me these past several years and has been a reminder to me in numerous conversations both personal and professional. My friends, this reminder I believe is the secret to a full life, the secret to happiness, and the secret to finding your purpose.
He made whoever he was with feel like the most important person in the world.
When you are present with someone else as well as yourself with whatever you are doing, life becomes, dare I say, easier? Indulging in the present moment protects us from racing thoughts to the future and energy draining thoughts of the past. How simple is that?
So, my challenge to you this week is to simply do that. When you are in the grocery line, zone in on that clerk so that she or he knows that at that moment, they are the most important person in the world to you. When you are having dinner with friends or family, resist the urge to make your phone part of your table setting. Put it away… and if you need it on for an emergency, turn up the ringer… but put it in your purse or coat pocket! Pretty please! You will be amazed at how easier it is to engage and focus on who you are with… and they will be so grateful. How often does someone give you the gift of their full attention? It’s a rarity these days and this simple act can transform.
Don’t forget about giving yourself your full attention too! When you are on your morning walk, working out, driving to work, eating, working, getting ready for bed… simply be present with yourself. This might feel passive or boring to some of you, but I invite you just to try it out for one week and see what happens.
Wishing you all a wonderful and present day!
Could It Be That The Questions You're Asking Are What's Keeping You Stuck?
Account to Approve workflow on Thursday, June 6, 2019 at 10:00:00 am Comments (0)
The quality of the questions you ask others and yourself can oftentimes dictate your success at work, happiness at home, and your overall experience of life.
Insightful, thoughtful, and honest questions have the power to shift the energy in a meeting, soften an argument with a loved one, and usher in feelings of clarity in situations where your mind is muddled and murky.
I’d love to share with you a few of my favorites…
Upon opening your eyes, do you immediately check in with your phone, social media, or the news on TV? Before you step out of your slumber, check in with your inner technology before your outer technology by trying out these three questions:
- How do I want to FEEL today?
- What is one thing I can do today to love myself?
- How may I be of service today?
These three questions, in my opinion, encompass intentionality, self-love, AND love for others.
- When you become triggered or stressed, step into your answer for #1.
- Regarding #2…write it in your calendar!
- As for #3, let that be your overarching theme for the day. Be on the lookout for how you may serve others and once you do, I bet you begin really feeling the way you want to feel.
Actually, if you zero in on these three, you are set for the day! For those of you desiring a bit more, however, read on…
GAME CHANGER ALERT:
Why shifting your questions from “WHY” to “WHAT & HOW” opens up an entirely new world of possibilities.
Asking questions like “why do I always attract the wrong man/woman” or “why can’t I lose weight” or “why am I so broke” or “why can’t I find another job?” feed your ego and keeps you stuck in your personal pity party. “Why oh why oh why am I stuck in this predicament? Why do bad things happen to me?”…the only thing these kinds of questions do is prevent you from moving into the person you want to be and the life you want to be living.
How about giving your mind a job to do by shifting the phrasing of the questions? Your mind loves to figure things out so why not put it to work?
- “How can I start meeting people that I would like to share time with?”
- “What things can I start implementing today that will help me release weight?”
- “What are some ways I can increase my money flow and feel more freedom?”
- “How might I start connecting with people and new companies in my community?”
Don’t those questions feel more inspiring, open, and NEW? It’s a clever little trick and one that can literally change your life.
Let’s take it a step further in a few other situations that occur for everyone every day:
Deciding what to eat:
“What food will make my body feel good?”
“If I loved my body, what would I choose right now?”
Decisions around work:
“Is this decision moving me forward or keeping me stuck?”
“Am I acting from a place of love for myself… or fear?”
Decisions around relationships with partners as well as friends:
“Does this feel restrictive or expansive?”
“Is going on that trip/dinner/event feeling like a HECK YEAH or a HELL NO?”
I’ll end it with my favorite strategy that you can use in any of the situations above:
Right here, right now, begin embodying this idea of your future self and who you desire to be. The one who has lost the weight, gotten the job, moved on from the regret or grudges, etc, etc. Move away from “I want XYZ…” or “I am such a loser” to “I AM XYZ!” & “I am perfect, healthy, and whole!” The two words “I AM” are powerful! Remember, your mind is listening in!
- Next, simply ask yourself throughout the day when faced with a decision:
- “What choice would my future self make?”
- Listen for the answer and proceed with action.
In essence, your only job is to embody that person IN THE MOMENT. Don’t race ahead and turn away from the rearview mirror. Be present with who you are at the core and watch what happens.
If we keep making the same choices, we will continue to reap the same results. Stepping into the shoes of the person you know you are at the core and choosing something different is the easiest and quickest route to transformation.
Why I Chose To Stop Labeling Things as “Good vs. Bad”
Account to Approve workflow on Thursday, May 30, 2019 at 12:00:00 am Comments (0)
I recently had breakfast with a friend of mine, and we laughed at how we “should” feel guilty eating the croissant… but absolutely were not! I think the self-judgment does more harm than the actual calories.
The thing is, I’m just over the cleanses and the diets…and more excited about enjoying and relishing life. As I look back over my life, I’ve gone on so many cleanses, I can’t keep track. Just ask my friends!
The big question on a Friday night was, “okay, so are you able to have a glass of wine? Or dairy? Or gluten?” Now, don’t get me wrong, I think cleanses work for a lot of people, and in fact, the cleanses that I’ve done over my life have helped me realize that I don’t want to eat animal protein because, well, I really like animals! They have helped me get in tune with what feels right in my body and what doesn’t. Dairy products can make me feel stuffed up and too much alcohol just completely messes with my energy and productivity.
But now I have the information I need and for someone like me who has struggled with body image and weight off and on my entire adult life, I realized that what has worked for me in the past (and by the way is a WHOLE lot more fun) is making food choices that lift my energy and are pleasurable… and doing it all in a more mindful and elegant manner.
Do you remember the book, French Women Don’t Get Fat? Well, I bought the book years ago and was lucky enough to attend an event where the author spoke. It was really a turning point in my life in the way I looked at food. I dove into her way of eating and living, and I will say, I lost weight without even trying. I remember having lunch with a friend and she leaned over and whispered to me, “have you been dieting?” And I leaned back with a little smile on my face and said, “no.” I think she was confused.
I was simply choosing to RELISH life! Unfortunately, over the years, I forgot that special lesson of embracing the deliciousness of life and instead fell victim to the latest and greatest cleanse, program, nutrition drink, or diet.
I realize now that there was this energy of “good versus bad” with every choice I made in terms of food. What’s working for me now is instead switching to this idea of “high vibe” versus “low vibe” … and I am using it not only with food, but also with people, thoughts, choices, decorating, and yes even the clothes I choose to decorate my body with!
So, let’s break this down. In terms of food, I love a great croissant, but if I’m having it every single day, I start to feel low energy. Now, that croissant can be a complete high-energy choice if I truly savor every bite… and if I do, chances are I don’t even finish the whole thing. Another example… yesterday with my tea, I was very much craving something sweet. So, instead of diving into licorice that ends up not feeling so great in my body (hence “low vibe”), I decided to indulge in a piece of gourmet toffee that a friend of mine had given me as a gift. That little piece of toffee smelled and tasted so good and in that moment was a high vibe choice. Why? Because I listened to my body AND chose not to feel guilty. Now, if I would have chosen to eat the whole tub of the toffee that would be a different story!
Let’s move over to this idea of “good” vs. “bad” thoughts. You all know what I am talking about. Our thoughts have the energy to lift us up or to pull us down. So, when you start thinking about the thoughts in your head or even the words you are saying, instead asked yourself “are they high vibe or are they low vibe? Do they lift my energy? Or do they drain me?”
Here are some examples of some “low vibe” thoughts.
- “I’m such a loser, why can’t I get my stuff together?”
- “Why is it that this always happens to me?”
- “I think I totally made a fool of myself in that meeting this morning. My boss thinks I’m an idiot.”
Now, let’s switch all of those to “high vibe.”
- “I am moving towards organization and a new chapter!”
- “I’m really learning more about what I want and what I don’t want.”
- “Well, if I could hit replay on that meeting, I would have done a few things differently. Good information for me to put into play in the future…and I now choose to LET IT GO.”
The words you use hold power. Remember, where your attention goes, energy flows. You have the power to create more high energy in your body and in your life with the words and thoughts you choose.
Let’s hop over to choices and decisions we make. You’ve heard me say this before, but really, think about it, does the decision to do “XYZ” feel like a high vibe choice? Or a low vibe choice?
Another way of looking at it is, do I feel attracted to this? Or does this not feel attractive to me? Does this choice feel expansive? Or does it feel restrictive? Does accepting the dinner invitation feel like a high vibe choice? Does it make you feel awesome? Or is it a low vibe choice?
Are you with me?
And finally, you knew where I was going. Let’s head over to people department. We all have certain people in our lives that are either low vibe people or high vibe people. And let’s face it, sometimes we are the low vibe people in other people’s lives! Hopefully not too often though!
Seriously, though, think about the people you hang out with in your free time. I’m not talking about the people you work with. The people you choose to spend your precious free time with. Are they high vibe people or low vibe people? How do you feel upon leaving coffee or lunch or going to movies or events with them?
It’s not that these people are “bad.” They just are, for you, “low vibe.” Remember, everything is made of energy. Science proves it! We’re all energetic beings. So, it’s not a big deal if someone doesn’t jive with you or you don’t jive with them. Let it go. Don’t take it personally. You’re simply on different energy wavelengths. Maybe at that time in her life, Sally, who completely drained you, was just kind of on a low vibe energy vibe and you were cruising on a high vibe, so you just didn’t match up. No judgment, no criticism towards ourselves or towards anyone else.
I just love this idea of moving from this type of food is “bad,” to “hey, for me it’s just low vibe and not my thing today because it’s not feeding my energy.” And I love the idea of not judging other people as wrong or toxic or negative. Yes, I’ve used the term “energy vampires” (it’s actually the topic of our next Self Love Summit… click here for more details.)…and it’s true that some people do indeed suck your energy. But that doesn’t make them bad people!! It’s just at this time of your life, your interaction with them isn’t jiving.
So, I encourage you and I challenge you this week to pay attention to who you’re spending free time with…what foods are you eating? …And what are the thoughts you are thinking? Keep a journal or a little note card and list off all the “high vibe” people, thoughts, and choices you made that day… and do the same for the opposite. I bet you notice a huge shift in your experience on the more “high vibe choices” day!
Enjoy your day!
Account to Approve workflow on Thursday, May 23, 2019 at 2:00:00 pm Comments (0)
Do you ever feel REALLY, REALLY good about your life? You have a moment of “Wow! Things are rolling along quite nicely… this feels nice!” Then BAM! The guilt sets in. You think about how much you have, and the perceived “lack” in other people’s lives. You begin to question why you’re the lucky one and maybe you should just dial it down a notch.
If that sounds familiar, you are not alone. Many people unconsciously feel they are testing fate when reveling in the extraordinary lives they have consciously created!
Get out of the “guilts” with the following tips:
1. Ditch the pity: Quit feeling “sorry” for people, which is much different than compassion. It doesn’t do them any good or yourself. Everyone has his or her own versions of a happy life.
2. Take action: Get out and volunteer. Give back. Do or create something you feel creates momentum of moving yourself and others forward.
3. You Can’t Give What You Don’t Have: If you reject your good vibes out of guilt, you can’t pass on your happy energy to those who need it most! Creating as much joy and success in your own life creates an overflow of abundance you are then able to share with everyone around you.
Enjoy the day!
How my Mother’s Day Mindset Shifted With This One Action
Account to Approve workflow on Thursday, May 16, 2019 at 12:00:00 am Comments (0)
I woke up this past Sunday morning and the first thing I thought of when my eyes opened was “wow, what would it feel like to have a little munchkin bring me breakfast in bed.” That was something we did for my Mom... God bless her for eating whatever concoction we cooked up!
Next, I proceeded to hop on social media and realized for the next 12 hours I would see a steady stream of Mother’s Day messages, quotes, and pictures. After I put a loving post on Facebook for my Mom and sent several girlfriends messages wishing them a happy day, I sat there and frankly began to have a little bit of a pity party for little ol’ me. You see, I love kids. I wish I had kids... and on Mother’s Day it’s a reminder of this certain “club” I’m not part of. Why is that? I suppose I could come up with a multitude of reasons... choices, not feeling worthy, or simply time slipping by too quickly. It’s interesting too how people try to help with comments such as “but you’re a mom to so many” or “you know it’s really a lot of work and not always fun” ... and my personal favorite from someone who I am sure was well intentioned, “Meg, could it be that you want a child because you just are looking for someone else to take care of?” ... isn’t that part of the drive to have children? To want to nurture and love and yes take care of them?
The thing is, Mother’s Day has been for several years a bit painful... but laying in bed on this specific sunny morning, I made the decision to say “enough!” AND TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT!
I realized I had a choice. I could sit and feel sorry for myself and question why I made the choices I made in my life OR I could snap out of my funk and use one of the million tools I write about and use with clients. So, I grabbed my journal and for the first time in a long time, I started putting my thoughts onto paper. It’s amazing this thing about swirling thoughts in your head... they are a lot more easy to deal with in black and white than ruminating and circulating in your head.
What I discovered after pouring out my thoughts was that not only am I ready to release the regret, but I’m even more so ready to embrace the idea that I already am a mother. I am a mother in so many ways to so many people and children in my life that my cup actually runneth over. The tears I’d been crying over not having my own child on Mother’s Day turned into tears of gratitude.
So here is where it got really fun... I thought to myself, “let’s say I was a mother to a child. What would I do right now?” Well, I’d probably get my butt up and out of bed and get going with the day...make breakfast...go for a walk with the dog...look for something fun to do where everything is seen through a new set of eyes. I decided instead of acting from a place of lack to instead embody being a mother and to see what might show up in terms of my outlook and perspective.
As humans we tend to think that, “well, when I have the child or when I get married or when I get the new promotion or when I get the new car or when I lose the weight, then I’m going to feel happy.”
I think we have everything totally mixed up and in the reverse!
The only way to truly enjoy the end result of any of these goals is to relish and delight in the journey. Wouldn’t the destination be so much sweeter if our journey to it were filled with less stress and more joy?
So, I got up. Put on some music. Got into my workout clothes. Threw Birdie’s harness on and went for a walk. I then remembered a time in my life several years ago where I would start my walk every day with a set of rituals that were so uplifting. Rituals like “20 things I’m grateful for...and a ritual where I imagined this beautiful energy coming into my body and filling me up like a bright shining light... and yet another one where I would literally speak out loud (yes the neighbors probably thought I was losing it!) what my day was going to look like from that moment on until I went to sleep.
So, as I went through these rituals, I started to feel more grounded and connected to everyone and everything. And within three minutes of my walk, I crossed the street to the walking path where Birdie and I walk each day, and noticed all these people walking. Literally hundreds of people. It was clearly some sort of 5K or 10K walk. So, I asked someone and discovered it was the Mother’s Day walk... To celebrate mothers...how beautiful is that?
Now, if this would have been several years ago, I probably would have felt like a loser. Like a fish out of water. Like I didn’t belong. But today, instead, I jumped in. and I stepped into the energy of these hundreds of people walking. Grandmothers, mothers, babies in strollers, dogs, fathers. And I just stepped into it. And it felt so loving and so amazing to be walking amidst all of these happy and grateful people (who by the way may have had a pity party themselves earlier that morning... hey, none of us get EVERYTHING in this life, right?) And as I walked, I kept saying to myself, I am a mother. I’m a good mother. I’m a mother to so many.
As I walked, I realized I had been able to shift from my low vibe literally 30 minutes earlier to feeling so HAPPY simply by mothering myself. I think so often we look outside of ourselves for the answers and ways in which to feel good. Instead, all we have to do is go within and give ourselves some TLC by embodying what we really desire in our lives.
Why are you waiting until next week, next month or next year to be a mother?
Why are you waiting for Monday or the first of the month to start leading a healthy lifestyle?
Why are you waiting to take the course that will get you to the next level for the promotion?
Instead, start right now, this minute. Begin embodying what and who you want to be.
So, as I finished the walk, I found myself coming down to the finish line. They were handing out roses, bottles of water, and the energy was just so magical. I stopped with Birdie and thought, “oh, I’ve got to write a blog about this experience. From an hour ago feeling sad and sorry for myself to feeling completely elated.”
As I stopped walking, the first person I saw was a friend of mine. The minute I saw her, tears filled my eyes. I remembered this friend of mine lost her mother years ago... and here she was walking in honor of her. I was so steeped in my own sadness an hour earlier, I neglected to remember that I was LUCKY enough to have seen my Mom the night before... lucky enough to have spoken to her that morning.
I couldn’t believe the synchronicity as I hugged her. Keep in mind I haven’t seen this friend of mine for close to a year. I think it was just another reminder to always step into gratitude. When we choose appreciation for what we DO HAVE versus what we don’t, our energy lifts. When our energy lifts, we’re able to step boldly, courageously, and with inspiration into our full potential.
So remember the next time your own “themed pity party” begins... you do have the CHOICE to participate...or pivot a bit to get the full picture of the richness of the many layers of your beautiful life from the space of “THANK YOU.”
This One Action Can Change Your Life!
Account to Approve workflow on Friday, May 10, 2019 at 9:00:00 am Comments (0)
I was walking through Costco yesterday on my maiden voyage as a new member. Side note - I couldn’t stop giggling at the size of the cart and every other item in the store! I must say, though, their ginger lemon Kombucha tea in the refrigerated section is the BEST!
Ok, so as I am walking by the Himalayan Salt Krinkle Potato Chips (you have to try those as well... seriously!) I saw a mom and young boy around the age of six walking towards me. She looked exhausted as he shouted at her in a whiny yet forceful voice “but I want the ice cream...NOW!” The look on his face actually kind of scared me :)
I probably did the wide eyed “oh boy” look on my face and then stopped to realize...”hey, aren’t we ALL adult versions of that kid sometimes?”
Thought about it for a second...
Do you get frustrated, whiny, and angry:
When you have to wait in line.
When your waitress forgets to add on the side of ranch.
When your family members leave the kitchen a mess.
When the guy in the sports car cuts you off in traffic.
When your dog wants to go out at 5 a.m. (this one is from personal experience 1 hour ago:)
Hmmm. So maybe we have more in common with the “spoiled” little Costco munchkin than we realize?
What’s the remedy? Well, what would you tell the little guy? Probably something like “you should be grateful that I just bought you those gummy bears!”
Bingo. The solution to any kind of “suffering” is to step into a big “THANK YOU.”
Let’s go back to the above list and flip them into gratitude:
SPOILED: “I am SO annoyed. They really should open more check out lanes. My gosh…it’s 5 p.m... didn’t they anticipate people coming from work to get groceries? OMG that checkout woman is SO slow.”
GRATEFUL: “Thank you. I finally have a moment to breathe after a hectic day. I have a good five minutes here in line to either meditate/people watch/leaf through People Magazine or answer a few emails on my phone, and go through ten things I am grateful for today.”
SPOILED: “I can’t believe she forgot my side of ranch. I asked her, like, THREE times! Now I am going to have to wait and my food is going to get cold... we are never coming back here. The service sucks.”
GRATEFUL: “Thank you God. I am able to afford going out for dinner and they actually have ranch! Thank you that I am sitting here while someone else cooks my food and serves my food. Thank you that I am given this opportunity to cut another human being a break...someone who may be having a rough day and has been serving other people for years. Thank you for the delicious food on my plate. Oh, and thank you if she doesn’t bring the ranch because that will be 100 calories I won’t have to feel guilty about later :) “
SPOILED: “These kids are so spoiled. Look at this kitchen. I have to do EVERYTHING! They don’t appreciate me.”
GRATEFUL: “Well, it’s a mess that is for sure. But they are graduating next month and off to college in August. Once Fall arrives, my kitchen will be shiny clean 24/7, but they won’t be here. I guess the breadcrumbs on the floor, the eggshells in the sink, and the dirty dishes on the counter are little reminders of those I love. And I am grateful to use this messy kitchen as an opportunity for a family meeting to remind them of how GOOD it makes me feel to have things tidied up a bit.”
SPOILED: “What a JERK! Who does he think he is? He totally cut me off. I am going to speed up and tailgate him to give him a taste of his own medicine. Even better, I’ll pass him and then cut HIM off! I’ll show HIM!”
GRATEFUL: “Well, clearly that guy is having a bad day. Maybe he got let go at work? Maybe someone treated him poorly today? I wonder if he is racing off to the hospital because he just found out a loved one is ill or dying? Thank you God that I have a car, that I am able to drive, that there is a gas in it, that I am able to afford the insurance and that I am in a space that allows me to drive safely and in a way that is kind to my fellow human beings.”
SPOILED: “Jesus Mary Joseph. I can sense someone looking at me, panting, and whining a bit. She needs to go outside AGAIN? I just took her out 2 hours ago. Seriously??? Why can’t she just hold it? Oh, it’s probably the garbage she got into last night. Why didn’t I adopt a cat instead??? I am so exhausted.”
GRATEFUL: “Thank you for allowing me the gift of caring for an animal this sweet. I get to be her “dog mommy.” Look at her sweet eyes. She unconditionally loves me. Thank you for allowing me this opportunity to reciprocate her love by tending to her. What a privilege.”
Practicing the art of “THANK YOU” in the not so fun moments of your day has the power to change your life. When I am able to catch myself and practice gratitude when I am on the fence between “spoiled” and “grateful” I can tell you wholeheartedly that hopping to the side of gratitude is incredibly moving. Writing that example actually brought tears to my eyes. Trust me, I don’t always hop to the right side of the fence, but when I do, it just feels GOOD! Isn’t that what we all want? To FEEL the way we want to feel?
Remember, your experiences each day are determined as “good” or “bad” simply by the filter you view it through. The silver lining is always available to you if you have the desire to look.
P.S. Are you part of my FREE community yet? Click here to join and you’ll find more tips and tools for living with more elegance, ease, and magic each day.
Spring Clean Your Home and Mind!
Account to Approve workflow on Thursday, May 2, 2019 at 12:00:00 am Comments (0)
This time of year evokes a sense of renewal. The flowers are beginning to peak out of the earth, longer days means more sunshine, and there is a “fresh start” feeling all around. This is also the time of year you may get the windows washed, car cleaned, and closets decluttered.
You’ve probably experienced exhilaration or even a sense of calmness after completely cleaning your home or organizing.
Why is that?
Since everything is made of energy, cleaning and decluttering your physical environment clears away stagnant energy making space for more room to breathe. Ahhhh! What a good feeling.
This time of year is also an opportunity to go deeper into the idea of decluttering your mind... which is not always so easy peasy as cleaning out the garage!
What does it mean to spring clean your mind?
It means taking inventory of what is and isn’t working in terms of the thoughts, beliefs, and stories about yourself (and others!) you continue to recycle in your head and heart. It’s amazing the “stuff” we hold on to and drag around without even realizing it. Guilt, worry, stress, regret, blame, lack of forgiveness... if your emotional clutter had labels what would they be?
Thoughts literally have the power to lift or deplete our energy and as a result deeply affect our daily experience. If you desire more joy and peace in your life, take a look at your thoughts. Think of it as a curious examination of what your mind says throughout the day. Awareness of your thoughts/beliefs/stories provides information about what is and isn’t working and is also the first step to change.
So my invitation to you this week is to pick one thought you have about yourself and most importantly ask yourself “what would my life be like without this thought?”
I am too old to do XYZ...
I will always have a weight problem...
There aren’t any good men/women out there...
I don’t see myself getting the promotion...
I will never reach XYZ income...
It’s always been this way for me... things will never change...
I should just accept it.
I can’t believe she/he did “XYZ”
Why can’t she/he just do “XYZ”
Give it a try for the next week. When you catch yourself creating clutter internally, use that moment as an opportunity to question whether that thought is serving you AND if not, what would your life be like at that moment without that thought?
I’d love to hear how this goes for you. It’s truly transforming!
P.S. If you are in the Milwaukee area next Tuesday, May 7th, join us for the Self Love Summit where we will be discussing this topic. Details are available by going to mojomeg.com and clicking on “self love summit” tab.
Your Happiness Playbook
Account to Approve workflow on Wednesday, April 24, 2019 at 12:00:00 am Comments (0)
Do you look outside yourself for answers to finding more joy? You know something is missing in your life... but you just can’t pinpoint exactly what that is. So you do what many of us do which is seeking and searching for that sense of security only to find yourself thirsting for more. Maybe you fill up your calendar to escape loneliness, spend your free time shopping, or perhaps go on the newest and greatest cleanse. Did you know that everything you need to feel more happiness exists at your fingertips at this very moment?
I’d love for you to imagine right now what it would feel like to be healthy in your mind, body, and spirit. How would you feel waking up? What would your morning routine look like? What clothes would you wear? How would you nourish your body? What would you do in your free time? Who would you hang out with? How would you feel when simply sitting in silence? Peaceful, content, and at home with yourself?
The number one thing people I work with want LESS of is STRESS. What they desire MORE of is HAPPINESS. So let’s set aside this idea of searching outside of ourselves and go within and uncover 5 of my favorite tools that you can begin incorporating NOW... think of it as your personal “Happiness Playbook.”
1. Stay In Your Lane- whenever you are suffering (triggered, reactive, sad, frustrated, annoyed, impatient....) ask yourself “whose lane am I in right now?” Chances are you are in someone else’s lane or God’s lane. Worrying about the weather? That’s God’s lane. Frustrated because you do SO much for your friend and she isn’t reciprocating? Yep... you are cruising in her lane trying to control her speed. When we quit invading other people’s energy space and focus on ourselves, a peacefulness arises. When you are in your own lane, you don’t need to take on the effects of other people’s choices and behavior. It’s a healthy form of self-protection AND it’s a great way to allow others to work through their own “stuff.” A powerful by-product of this tool is you are also able to practice ACCEPTANCE. When we stay in our own business, we are forced to actually feel our own feelings without projecting them on to others. Moving away from resisting “what is” (our feelings, worries, concerns) and into feeling them, accepting them, and moving on is a powerful way to create more serenity and happiness in your life.
2. Celebrate- Parties don’t just need to be for birthdays! If you look closely you will find reasons every day to celebrate something. A good friend who was an expert at creating joy would find reasons to celebrate all the time. The Oscars were on... time for a party! Her cat’s birthday... you guessed it!
It’s not that you need to throw a party for everything... just begin to look at life through the eyes of celebration. Your niece got on the Dean’s list? How about inviting her over for lunch to celebrate or mail her a congrats card? You closed a new account at work? Why not meet with your team for coffee or happy hour to give yourselves a high five? I just love this idea of intentionally recognizing (aka celebrating) moments big and small each day. It gives life more of positive energetic feel...and it’s fun.
3. Mystical Wonder- When was the last time you walked through the woods or your city park with utter amazement at the colors of the trees, the feel of the bark, the sounds of the birds, and the smells of Spring? When you see a deer or a fox do you pause with the wonder of a child or go back to your smart phone to google about different types of fox etc? Being in the moment with whatever you are doing or whomever you are with creates a sacred sense of joy. Tap into your inner child or better yet go on a walk with one and you will see the world from fresh new eyes. There is magic everywhere if you choose to look.
4. Appreciation- I recently heard someone talk about how they wrote one letter to someone every day in 2018 and it changed their life. Showing appreciation towards others for simply who they are as well as their acts of kindness fills up your happiness bucket. Amp up the gratitude practice by first listing 5 things each day you are grateful for and then follow up with a letter to someone. Receiving a handwritten note is rarity these days and such a gift.
5. Connection- how often do you race through your day without connecting to your soul/spirit? Meditation is the doorway into doing so but if it’s not your thing, simply try sitting for 10 breaths each morning paying attention to your breathing, your heart, and your lungs.
What about your connection to others? Call up an old friend, have family over for dinner, or begin volunteering. When we open our hearts, homes, and time to others we feel more grounded and connected to one another.
Finally, never underestimate the power you have of connecting to those beyond “the veil.” Your guardian angels, your guides, and loved ones I believe are simply waiting to be asked how they may help us navigate this sometimes amazingly beautiful and something heartbreaking and painful life. What do you have to lose by simply trying? A good friend would laugh when I insisted he repeat the mantra “angels above me, angel below me, angels all around me... help me find a good parking spot”.... but he doesn’t anymore because somehow he always seems to secure rock star parking :)
My wish for you is to approach each day, as it is... a gift. This moment right now as you are reading these words, the next hour, the rest of the day has never happened before and it never will again. Cherish this delicious life through acceptance, appreciation, connection, wonder, and celebration...and see what happens.
Energy is Everything
Account to Approve workflow on Thursday, April 18, 2019 at 12:00:00 am Comments (0)
If you would have asked me about the topic of energy 10 years ago, I probably would have thought you were discussing electric bills! The idea of environmental and personal energy really hadn’t hit home with me yet. That all changed when a mentor asked me to participate in a laying on of hands healing event. I had helped recruit “healers” for the 300+ person event... chiropractors, massage therapists, and energy workers. An hour or so before the event began, my mentor informed me I would join these professionals and participate in the event.
My first reaction was, “Say what? Ummmm... I am not a healer. I am a former sales executive turned life coach!”
Flash forward three hours later and my outlook on the power of energy had taken a radical shift. Flash forward 4 years later and I’ve become certified in Reiki, have experienced mysticism in ways I never dreamed of, and help busy professional use and protect their energy in intentional ways so they are able to do the work they are here to do with more happiness and ease.
Not only are each of us made of soulful energy but we ALL are healers. We have the ability to heal with our words, thoughts, and the energy we put out to others and the world. Think about it for a second... if your energy is low (let’s say it’s a 2 on a scale of 1-10) you carry this vibration with you to people, projects, and decisions throughout the day. On the flip side, if your energy level is closer to a ten, your vibration has the ability to affect others in a positive way.... hence the idea that with intention, you are a healer.
This month’s Self Love Summit was all about ENERGY. Nancy Helland, an energy clearer, was our guest speaker (you can check her out at clearbeing.com) and she discussed simple ways to raise our vibration. She also gave us a sneak peak into her space clearing work with private clients. Let’s just say there were some pretty amazing stories shared from everyone regarding the energy within ones home and office!
So how can we raise our vibration?
Let’s first look at what drains it...
Lowers energetic vibration:
Over intake of food or alcohol
And what raises it....
Raises energetic vibration:
Being present with whoever or whatever is in front of you
Connecting with others
Let’s not forget a final easy and powerful way to raise your energy.... DECLUTTERING!
This month at the Self Love Summit, Lisa Blue from Spaces by Lisa will be our guest speaker. She is a personal organizer and will be sharing her secrets and life changing tips to create more flow in your environment... and thus your life.
When we change our environmental energy, it’s that much easier to emotionally declutter within.
Go to mojomeg.com for more details on the event and to register.
Have a great weekend,
Criticism Is A Gift
Account to Approve workflow on Friday, April 12, 2019 at 12:00:00 am Comments (0)
A respected acquaintance recently discussed viewing criticism (in a constructive way!) as a gift. Inherently, we have a tendency to dread reviews from bosses, feedback from colleagues, or surveys from clients. Why is that? Really think about it. Why do we physically cringe or hold our breath at “you are doing great… BUT…?”
Could it be fear of rejection or failure? Might it be paranoia that we simply don’t cut it?
In a snap of a finger you can change your perception of reality. Rather than holding on to the fear, why not accept the “criticism” as a bonus? Changing our perception allows us to grab hold of this gift and use it as a tool to move us onward and upward!
From personal experience, being open to this type of exchange can actually be liberating and create a level of trust between two people that is rock solid.
A good friend of mine has a real knack for “telling it like it is.” Love her or not, you always know she shoots straight. She has no problem disagreeing with me, my opinions, (or my haircut!) but boy do I enjoy being around her! Why? Because you feel safe with her. She is real. She is who she is and only wants the best for the people she loves.
Graciously give and accept!
Enjoy the day,
Try This One Tip To Decrease Stress
Account to Approve workflow on Thursday, April 4, 2019 at 9:00:00 am Comments (0)
You are in a rush and have to quick pick up a few things at the store before picking up the kids, making it on time to spin, or trying not to be late for your happy hour with friends. As you wait in line, the woman in front of you decides to write a check ... and she writes really, really slow. After she carefully tears the check off, she slowly puts her wallet back in her purse...and looks for her keys... while carrying on a lengthy conversation about the price of bananas with the clerk.
At this point, would you say you might be a wee bit stressed?
Stress happens in big and little ways throughout the day and let's face it... what results is this essence of "suffering." When I say suffering, it means our blood pressure is elevated, we feel anxious, and sometimes we're ready to have a hissy fit.
My question is this: What does all this "fussing" accomplish and how can we step away from the suffering it creates?
One word... Acceptance.
I recently participated in a ten-week program Eckhart Tolle presented with Oprah on his book, A New Earth. In it, he dives into this idea of the three modes we are capable of staying in the majority of the time:
He claims whenever we are not in one of these spaces, we are in essence suffering.
For example, you have a flat tire. Of course this wouldn't put you into a state of enjoyment or enthusiasm... but could you make the choice to step into the space of acceptance?
I tried it out for one week straight and I have to tell you it was transformative. My alter ego, Frantic Franny (aka- impatient, frazzled, hurrying, scurrying, and a "Whirling Dervish") went on vacation. Not kidding!
When I began seeing situations that normally would put me over the edge as opportunities to try this "acceptance" idea out... a sense of peace enveloped my being and life become much more peaceful. Not only did this pleasantly surprise me but also the people in my life were the happy recipients of my more serene energy.
So try it for a few days and see what happens. At the grocery store with the checkbook lady in front of you, driving in the car when someone cuts you off, or your handling your insane workload at the office.
Our thoughts and the energy we put out to the world every day really is a choice. It's not always easy, but the simple act of accepting the present moment and "controlling what we can control" is an invitation to peace, serenity, and joy.
When Do You Hit A Wall?
Account to Approve workflow on Friday, March 29, 2019 at 12:00:00 am Comments (0)
Clients typically contact me when they experiencing one of two things:
1. Stuck: They are paralyzed with the fear of settling for “everyday ordinary” in their lives.
2. Overwhelmed: They have an extraordinary life but simply have too much going on to enjoy it.
For the first group, I quote the title of Laura Day’s book by saying, “Welcome to Your Crisis!” My feeling is even if it’s fear, at least they are feeling something! When in the midst of anxiety about ones professional or personal life, it means there is something cooking… and when there’s something cooking, change is coming.
For the second group, it’s about clarity, structure, and focus. Getting clear on what they want, organizing their lives in a way that fuels them, and focusing their energy towards a life which “flips their switch” is key.
So if you happen to find yourself in either mode, buck up and hang on! You WILL get through the fear and move through the storm you are experiencing. You DO have the ability to go from overwhelmed to “I’ve got this.”
Transforming your life is within your control. You deserve it.
Enjoy the day,
Account to Approve workflow on Friday, March 22, 2019 at 12:00:00 am Comments (0)
Each time you stay present with fear and uncertainty, you’re letting go of a habitual way of finding security and comfort.” ~ Pema Chodron
A life filled with ease. Isn’t that what we all desire? How is this feasible with all the worries and fears that filter through our minds on a minute by minute basis?
Uncertainty with the future.
Uncertainty about our loved ones being safe, happy and healthy.
Uncertainty about paying the rent.
Uncertainty about finding a partner.
Uncertainty about getting sick.
Uncertainty about what happens after we are “gone.”
Just writing this is bringing me down!
While uncertainty will never go away, there are ways to quiet its frightful voice. Reminding ourselves of the beauty and certainty of this very moment creates feelings of relief, gratitude and thus joy. Amp up the joy by choosing to appreciate who or what is in front of you every moment over the next 24 hours. Chances are you will forget about all that uncertain stuff.
Have a happy day!
Account to Approve workflow on Friday, March 15, 2019 at 12:00:00 am Comments (0)
Do you ever feel REALLY, REALLY good about your life? You have a moment of “Wow! Things are rolling along quite nicely… this feels nice!” Then BAM! The guilt sets in. You think about how much you have, and the perceived “lack” in other people’s lives. You begin to question why you’re the lucky one and maybe you should just dial it down a notch.
If that sounds familiar, you are not alone. Many people unconsciously feel they are testing fate when reveling in the extraordinary lives they have consciously created!
Get out of the “guilt’s” with the following tips:
- Ditch the pity: Quit feeling “sorry” for people, which is much different than compassion. It doesn’t do them any good or yourself. Everyone has his or her own versions of a happy life.
- Take action: Get out and volunteer. Give back. Do or create something you feel creates momentum of moving yourself and others forward.
- You Can’t Give What You Don’t Have: If you reject your good vibes out of guilt, you can’t pass on your happy energy to those who need it most! Creating as much joy and success in your own life creates an overflow of abundance you are then able to share with everyone around you.
Enjoy the day!
Get Rid of the Shoulds
Account to Approve workflow on Friday, March 8, 2019 at 12:00:00 am Comments (0)
How often do we start a thought or sentence with “I should…..?” For many of us, it’s an unconscious habit we do every day in our self-talk and communication with others.
Most of the “shoulds” do not serve our higher purpose, but instead are obligations or habits we’ve imposed upon ourselves. Many times they are also based off of what others think is best for us which is a tricky path to hop on.
Getting rid of the “shoulds” pushes away the clutter and leaves an open space for living our lives based on what we truly want and deserve. When you toss out the frustration and anxiety of living a life based on “shoulds,” things start to flow with ease.
Try this today:
1. Be aware of when you make a “should” statement or thought.
2. Ask yourself, “Why do I feel I should do this?”
3. Review what’s behind the “should.” You might find there are deeper reasons (pleasing others, guilt, low self esteem, etc.), which need to be addressed instead.
4. Ask yourself any of these questions:
“Do I want to do this or am I trying to please someone else?”
“In doing this am I living a life based on my values?”
“Will this push me towards a fulfilling future or keep me stuck in the past?”
“What gratification am I receiving from doing this? Does this represent who I want to be?”
Good luck and have a happy day!
Your Divine Team
Account to Approve workflow on Thursday, February 28, 2019 at 12:00:00 am Comments (0)
Why You Need A Divine Team
You are in a crisis. Things aren’t going right at work, in a relationship or with your health. Who do you call for their wisdom? Where do you go for support? Which people bring you comfort? These are the people who lift you up and help carry you through the fire when going it alone is simply too tough. This is your “divine team.”
The same holds true for our thrilling desires and goals. Whether we call upon our trusted friends and advisers or reach out spiritually through our faith and wisdom from those who have passed, we are consulting with our “divine team.”
It’s important to be hyper vigilant that who we choose to share these parts of ourselves with our truly investors in our lives. Individuals who want the best for us, who do not project their own shadow parts or negative experiences on to us and our situations.
Whether it is draining drama or exciting developments in your life, it’s key to choose wisely where you spread the energy and to whom.
Creating Your Divine Team
Make a list of who you LOVE being around. These are the people who support you, challenge you, and make you aware of the beauty of life! You in turn, are able to give to them as well.
The next time you have something fun to share or maybe you’re going through a tough time, these are the people you to look for! Turn away from old, familiar patterns or seeking support from individuals who tend to add to the pain or take away from the joy.
(Keep in mind, it’s OKAY if you only have one person on your list. One member of your Divine Team is 100x’s more effective than 20 energy suckers!)
“Sometimes our light goes out, but is blown again into instant flame by an encounter with another human being.” ― Albert Schweitzer
What's Your Walk Up Song?
Account to Approve workflow on Friday, February 22, 2019 at 12:00:00 am Comments (0)
I love synchronicity.
Recently, I was the opening speaker for an extraordinary company’s annual retreat. Before heading onstage, I was asked, “so what song would you like to play?” My first reaction was, “???!! I didn’t think about that part!” Three days later, one of my clients was on a high from a conference she attended. One of her favorite presentations of the day was centered around the topic of “What’s Your Walk Up Song?” How perfect!
When you think about it, we all march out the door every morning to a certain beat exuding either high or low energy. As a result, we tend to create really great experiences or not so great ones.
Ask yourself right now, “What’s my walk up song today?” Maybe if you’re navigating rough waters it might be “Titanium,” or if you’re feeling on top of the world, “Girl On Fire!”
Remember, we all have a choice to choose our song, our values, our best self.
Account to Approve workflow on Thursday, February 14, 2019 at 8:00:00 am Comments (0)
“Hard times arouse an instinctive desire for authenticity.”
Earlier this week one of the gem topics was on personal retreats. A dear friend recently shared with me one of the exercises she did while on a retreat a few years ago. During this time she had been in recovery from a life event causing her to look at things differently from the perspective of what she calls her “higher self.” She graciously offered it to me to share with you all:
“Your authentic self is to cherish and treasure-it is a gift and a blessing that deserves expression now and always-whatever the future brings.
Love yourself unconditionally.
Express and name your feelings.
Be vulnerable in safe company or alone.
What’s your description of living as your higher self? Take a moment to share with me your thoughts on this topic!
Wishes to you for a happy day!
The Power of Community
Meg Daly on Friday, February 8, 2019 at 8:00:00 am Comments (0)
We all have wishes and desires for our lives. Maybe it’s a new job, a partner to share our lives with, financial success or material items we have yet to enjoy.
For some, a sense of friendship is a missing piece.
It’s amazing how the power of connection with another human being who has no other agenda than supporting you can elevate you to new heights.
I see it within the Circles I facilitate. The energy and encouragement from “Circle Mates” is strong and participants seem to move even quicker to their goals through the process of reaching out to others for advice, positive energy or just sending supportive thoughts between our sessions.
If you are struggling with finding your “tribe” within your own community, simply start identifying what you love and create your own community with others who share this passion. It might be a book club, wine club, a new sport you want to participate in… or maybe even it’s starting a Circle of your own!
“Communication - the human connection - is the key to personal and career success.” ~ Paul J. Meyer
Past or Future… Which Drives Your Behavior?
Account to Approve workflow on Friday, February 1, 2019 at 12:00:00 am Comments (0)
Every choice we’ve made in our lives has led us to where we are now. Not the actions of other towards us but really our reaction to them.
If you are feeling overwhelmed or stuck, it may be time to take a good look at what’s gotten you to this point. Our past, whether positive or negative, has the tendency to become familiar and comfortable. It’s what we know.
Failed relationships? Boring jobs? A “lackluster” life? Defining who we are by the past simply sets the stage for the same people with different faces, the same jobs with different titles, and the same outlook on life. Living in the mindset that we only attract the “same old same old” inevitably brings to us more of the same.
Proactively choosing a new vision for the future is new and scary, but can move you to where you truly want to be. Choose today to envision something new, different, and exciting. Pretty soon, those images you hold will pull you towards making decisions which support your dreams. Make your dreams your new manifesto for your life. Write them down. Share them with a friend who will hold you accountable when you veer off course. Create a morning mantra. Do what it takes to lift you out of every day ordinary to a life filled with extraordinary! You deserve more than you think you are capable of!
Enjoy the day!
Fine-Tune Your Friend Time!
Account to Approve workflow on Friday, January 25, 2019 at 12:00:00 am Comments (0)
“Friendship consists in forgetting what one gives and remembering what one receives.” – Alexander Dumas
There’s only so much time in one day, and unfortunately friendships tend to take the back seat to family and career responsibilities
If you’re ready to create balance with this topic, put in place these tips!
BGT- Ban Guilt Trips!
Nothing good ever comes of laying guilt trips on others or putting them on yourself…so get off that train! Accept others for what time they have to give and cut yourself a break when you can’t do it all. Set up an agreement with your inner circle to give everyone the benefit of the doubt that everyone is doing the best they can. Some of my closest friends and I may go for weeks or months without talking or seeing… but when things line up and we connect, it’s like no time has passed.
DIFG- Do I Feel Good?
This is a biggie. Take note of HOW you feel when with your group. Do you feel supported, empowered, and overall just really good during your time together? Great! Focus on those people! Do you walk away feeling negative, frustrated, and not heard? Maybe it’s time to rethink the time you are putting into those relationships.
CTFT- Commit To Friend Time!
Once you have a clear picture of whom you want to spend time with… Commit to it! Do whatever it takes not to flake out. Remind yourself of the value you receive. Good friends and good times nourish our souls so make it a priority.
SCE- Set Communication Expectations
You are busy. Everyone is busy. For that reason, have some understood expectations. If you aren’t a texter, tell them. If you don’t want to be messaged or tagged on Facebook, communicate that.
This one works great…if you are just calling to chat, express that in your voice mail so your friend isn’t rushing to call you back when she’s overwhelmed at work. On the flip side, if you really need to bend their ear about something, communicate that as well. Chances are when you really need them, their response time will be quick!
Friendships, just like any relationship, are much smoother when both parties are receiving what they need.
I hope these tips help you in establishing quality friend time and peace!
Wishes to you for a happy day,
The Pain That Lurks Beneath Your Craving For Connection
Account to Approve workflow on Thursday, January 17, 2019 at 2:00:00 pm Comments (0)
Recently I launched the SELF LOVE SUMMIT and it was in one attendee’s words, “Magical!”
Wow! That pretty much summed up the evening. Meaningful conversation, meeting new people, delicious food, and a powerful discussion around identifying the highlights from 2018 and creating more of those moments and feelings in 2019.
As we discussed as a group, one woman said a word that brought the room into silence, nodding agreement… ISOLATION.
She went on to share that so many of us are disconnected due to technology, busyness, and not choosing to be in the moment. This really resonated with the group and we launched into an even deeper discussion around disconnection with ourselves and others.
Does this resonate with you? If so, here are a few tips to feel more connected and less isolated in your life:
- Put the phone down… or better yet, in your purse: Technology has almost become like a blankie we need by our side, our pillows, and our dinner plates. In the morning, rather than checking in first thing on social media, instead, check in with yourself on how you want to feel that day. When at dinner, put it in your pocket or purse. If you’re worried about emergencies, there’s an option you can assign to certain contacts that will bypass the silence button on your phone.
- Strength Train Your Mind: Practice being present with others and with yourself. Whether you are washing the dishes or having coffee with a friend, when your mind wanders, call it back to whatever or whoever is in front of you by saying “I pay attention on purpose… I pay attention on purpose….”
- Create Your Own Self Love Summit (or whatever you want to call it!): Feeling lack of connection in your life? Then create a group… a book club, wine tasting club, or simply follow the topics I use each month with my summit. You will be amazed at the response and how good you feel afterwards. There is such strength in community.
If you’d like to hear more about the exercise we went through at January’s summit click here to join my free Facebook community and watch the video I did yesterday. The group is called “Get Your Mojo Back!” and it’s full of tips and tools to increase prosperity in all areas of your life.
P.S. If you can’t make the next Self Love Summit February 5th be sure to watch for the fun exercise I’ll be posting on the “Get Your Mojo Back” group (click here) after the summit. It’s a powerful exercise around the topic of “Cleaning The Slate: How Physical & Emotional Clutter Can Hold You Back.”
See you soon,
Through the Fire
Account to Approve workflow on Thursday, January 10, 2019 at 12:00:00 am Comments (0)
We all know that one “something” we need to conquer in this lifetime. I’d be willing to bet most people’s “something” is related to self-care or relationships. So many people reach out to me feeling “stuck.” In fact, it’s by far the most common word I hear from new clients. I can’t help but think the reason we get “stuck” is because somewhere along the way, we pushed down that “something” we know needs to be confronted and dealt with. Rather than walking through the fire to the other side, we choose to shy away and run from it.
What fire do you need to move through? Really think about that today for a few minutes. What is the predominant pattern you see within yourself which keeps you “stuck?”
Only you have the answer. Once you do, reach out for your reinforcements. Maybe that’s a mentor, loved one, therapist, or coach. Remember, however, you and you alone have the power to make it through that fire. You can ask others to walk beside you, but ultimately you must make the choice, take the action, change the behavior. The beautiful part is the elation felt from harnessing the courage to move through the pain… and of course the bonus of your reinforcements waiting for you on the other side!
Happiness & success,
Meg Daly is a Personal Development Coach who partners with individuals inspired to upgrade the environment and culture within their professional and personal lives. Her approach encourages clients to move from fear and instability, to strength and success. You can learn more about her at www.coachmegdaly.com.
Self-Care Isn’t Always Easy
Account to Approve workflow on Thursday, January 3, 2019 at 12:00:00 am Comments (0)
As the New Year lingers ahead just around the corner it’s a time for reflection and resolutions. Often times we crave taking better care of our bodies, minds, and spirits... and to really do this is not always a walk in the park.
I came across an article today that really resonated with me and I thought you’d enjoy it too. I love the part about parenting yourself to the point where you don’t need to find ways to escape the reality of your life! Click here for the link and enjoy.
Do You Allow Others To Mess With Your Joy?
Account to Approve workflow on Thursday, December 27, 2018 at 12:00:00 pm Comments (0)
Several years ago when I was in the corporate world, I had a reputation for being very nurturing to my team and to my clients. I embraced and loved that part of myself. One day, I was informed by a colleague (who had "the best intentions") that our boss referred to me behind my back as the "mother hen." He told me they didn't think I had the guts to be "tough enough" on my team when needed. This really threw me off track because up until that conversation, I considered those parts of myself my greatest assets.
Immediately I flipped back and forth in my head between defending myself... and doubting myself. What I eventually landed on was acceptance. I decided to embrace my "mother hen" image and realize those parts helped create a great culture, low turn over, and happiness within my team. I also realized it was time to address areas I wanted to enhance within myself such as direct communication and diving into the tough conversations I clearly was avoiding with my team.
The biggest learning that came out of this experience, however, was how often I allowed other people's perception of me to dim my own light. Can you relate?
Think about that for a second. When you allow others to affect your attitude, mood, and happiness, you diminish the opportunities for when you can positively impact those in your world. It's as though by shrinking, you rob others of the benefits of your gifts!
To take it a step further, to not express your gifts, to hide within self doubt, shame, regret, guilt, and fear, you are robbing other people of joy. When you embrace your gifts as well as seeing clearly where you can step into courage and stretch yourself, that's when the magic happens. That's when things begin to line up with more ease and when you start to feel this sense of "ahhhh, I've got this."
So I'd love to go over three tips to avoid stepping into that ditch of doubt:
1. Write down 3 favorite parts of yourself and how they make you feel... as well as how they impact others.
2. Notice when you are having a really good day and ask yourself "Is this happening because I'm expressing my gifts?" And on the flip side, when you're having a not so great day, stop and ask yourself, "Have I expressed my gifts today?" or "Am I allowing fear to prevent me from stretching myself in ways that seem scary?"
3. Recognize and acknowledge the gifts in others. I think so often we fall into the trap of looking at what's wrong in our relationships, or what's wrong in our work, or what's wrong in our lives. What would happen if instead we turned the light on the good? Especially in other people. For example, what might happen if each day at work you highlighted one person and how their gifts benefited the team in a specific situation? It would take ten seconds but the impact would be huge. This creates a space for people to get real and feel okay talking about the wonderful parts of themselves as well as the areas they'd like to shift.
The most powerful tool I believe we possess is the ability to share our light with the world.
Sending you good energy,